Brain ; heart

30 july 2008
Yesterday night, dreamt of weird dreams. I woke up & slept back and I could dream of him. & i woke up again and slept back & I dreamt of him again! A numberous of times and i totally freakout. Found myself in cold sweat when i woken up completely.
My mood sucks. Having ups and lows. No cheering did helped me at all. but thanks for cheering me up. Hearts you people. Did nothing but stare in blank space for the most of the time. Did not know what I was even thinking. But once I opened my mouth, full of vulgarities blunted out. The worst day for me so far. I really hope this feeling could fade away soon. When i was watching television, receive something and my heart was beating damn hard. & I do not know why I am feeling this. It's been a long time since I have this feeling. I don't wanna hit the jackpot. This jackpot doesn't belongs to me. Mind is in a whirl.

31 july 2008
Message throughout the night with Zhurick though i fell asleep. But woke up not long. So after all, slept for the pathetic 2 hours plus. When i was already felling asleep, my mother's alarm clock rang. Chicken Pie can ?! & the random him asked whether i wanna watch Money No Enough 2. & the random me said anything. Climbed myself up to get my laptop started. & i called mango. As she had already promised me to come yewtee today?! But she slept so soundly that she didn't even actually answer to my calls ! How great that can be. And when i was ready to go step out of the house, she replied me. And pull her down to watch too. Zhurick called danny to tag along. And of cause the steady him said yes. Waited for all to arrived and bought our tix.
The movie reminded me of my grandmother. I think it is the same fate as my grandmother but my grandmother is still lucky as she is still alive. She doted on her sons most but all of them just took things for granted. Seeing my grandmother in this state really pains me. I regret not caring for her more. I could remember there was once when i have serious stomach cramps and she was there for me. She kept asking me if i was alright anot. I said i wanted hot water and she bought me hot water despite having difficulties in walking. I rather have my grandmother scolding and nagging then to have her not able to walk or eat solid things. The sight of her really pains everyone of us. I almost tear when i had the last visit to Malaysia. I miss the times when i live in grandma and grandpa house. Luckily she does have good daughters to care for her. I don't hope for anything now. I just hope she can live longer and that's all. I will really break down if she really goes away just like this...
Went down to hougang after the movie. & mango got her geek specs back from jj. And off we went to see them riding. So bored can. Danny was like entertaining us all the way. Calling me "da jie da". And he will always walk behind me. Damn hilarious lahs ! And we saw 1 mama dog and child dog. And the coincidence thing is that the mama dog's name is BELLBELL! Whatthefish. then mango and danny kept good bellbell, guai bellbell. and zhurick later came to join in ! Really almost bao xue guan. Walk & walk & walk. When i reached home, i really felt the tiredness already. I don't want to go down to hougang.

Brain is mine but the thinking isn't mine at all.
Heart is mine but the feeling isn't mine too.
When will i have the right thinking and feeling?
Guess i need time some time to find them.

Happy 18th birthday Audrey .
Am really glad that ure my classmate (:
Stay happy and cheerful always.